"But Mom": Two of the most dreadful words in the English language

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Ulterior Motives

I have a deep, dark secret. Okay, well it's not actually a secret, but it does run deep and it is dark. I have Multiple Sclerosis, MS for short. I was diagnosed at the tender age of 29. In my opinion, much, much too young to be diagnosed with an incurable disease. Of course, if I had been diagnosed at 59 I'm sure I would say the same thing.

I have had some experience with MS in my life. For a while I was a home health aid for Intermountain Health Care in Utah. I worked the hospice route and one of the women I visited had MS. Til my dying day I will never forget her.

She was in her early 40's. She had 3 tween-age boys. She had a loving husband. She was imprisoned in her body. Her bedroom had to be moved to the dining room on the main level. A hospital bed was placed in there, and there she lay, day after day.

She could not walk; she could not move at all save for the occasional spastic movement of her arms, legs, and neck.

She could no longer speak, yet you knew that she was in constant pain because she could still moan.

She could no longer eat or drink. She had to be fed through a feeding tube inserted directly into her stomach.

She passed away 3-months after I started seeing her. My heart broke. She lost her life to MS.

It has been 3-years since my diagnosis and I am happy to say that I am just fine...physically and emotionally. However, I know that it could be taken from me at any moment. For the past 3-years my thoughts have gone back to this woman. What if I end up like that? Well, if I do then I do, but I'll be darned if I will go without leaving the essence of who I am behind. And therein lies my ulterior motive. This blog will be my life: my thoughts, my advice for my children, my favorite moments and memories, MY recipes...things that will help my family to know me if the day ever comes when I can no longer tell them.


  1. I am so grateful for the health that you are enjoying now and hope that it lasts and lasts...

  2. Keep up this amazing journal!!! It will be such a wealth to you and your family! You're a great writer and an even better person!